In the Name of God, the Beautiful, the Kind
Yet another one of John Mayer’s songs really hit me in the heart, and I try to take his “advice” to “Say what you need to say”:
Take out of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all your so called problems
Better put them in quotations
He then says, “Say what you need to say.” To me, I must say everything to the Precious Beloved Lord. To me, the best One to whom I should say everything that is in my heart is the Precious Beloved. His next passage frequently brings tears to my eyes:
Walkin’ like a one man army
Fightin’ with the shadows in your head
Livin’ up the same old moment
Knowin’ you’d be better off instead
If you would only
Say what you need to say
For over a year now, I have been “fightin with the shadows” in my head as a “one man army.” Almost every day, I have been “livin’ up the same old moment”: the dark day that my daughter died. Almost every single day, my thoughts dwell on my late daughter: the joy she brought to my life; her beautiful, warm smile that would light up the room on the darkest of nights; the happiness of her eyes that would pierce the very depth of my soul. Although she was frequently sick, and her illnesses brought me frequent anxiety, my life was utterly complete with her in it.
Now, I am haunted by the shadows of her death. I am haunted by the ravages of the disease that took her life in less than 24 hours. I am haunted by the fact that she can never peer at me with her beautiful smile in my rear-view mirror when her favorite song comes on. I fight those shadows every single day, and there are times when I can’t take it, and I want to scream out in agony and pain.
And so, I try to take John Mayer’s advice and “say what [I] need to say” and talk to my Precious Beloved. I try to talk to Him and tell Him how much pain I feel. I try to talk to Him and tell Him how much I miss her. I try to talk to Him and share with Him the anguish my heart feels knowing that she is no longer with me. I know He knows, but it still helps to talk to Him and “say what [I} need to say."
And John encourages me even further:
Have no fear for givin' in
Have no fear for givin' over
You better know that in the end
It's better to say too much
Than never to say what you need to say again
Thankfully, I have tried to strengthen and deepen my relationship and love affair with the Precious Beloved, and so I find it easier to bear my all the Lord. Yet, for many, it can be very hard. Some may have never talked to the Lord before. But it is never too late. The door to His Love is always open, and all you have to do is walk up to it, and it will open wide to His smiling Face.
Amazingly, John also knows that saying what we need to say can be hard, so he continues his advice and encouragement:
Even if your hands are shakin'
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closin'
Do it with a heart wide open
No matter how frail you are; no matter how weak you may be; no matter how difficult it may be to peer into His Beautiful Face, we must always try to talk to Him, deepen that relationship, foment that bond. When we open our hearts, the Light of His love will flow in like a soothing breeze and fill the heart with a happiness never known heretofore. And we will then have true peace and tranquility.
It's been rough losing a child, and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. But, as I have fought "the shadows in [my] head,” I have tried to take John Mayer’s advice and “say what [I] need to say.” It has really, really helped.