In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving
Things are getting better.
With God’s blessing, the love, help, and support of my family and friends, and the passage of time, it is getting better. It’s strange, but, she seems more and more distant with the passage of time. But, she is and will always be in my heart.
Only God knows how much I truly loved her. Only God knows how truly precious she was to me. Only God knows how much I loved having her with me. At the end of her life, she really could not walk anymore. So, I would frequently pick her up to move her from place to place.
I could tell that people felt sorry for me and her when they saw me pick her up to take her places. But, I swear by God, I swear by God, I swear by God; I never minded. I never complained. I loved doing so. I miss that so much now. I miss her so much.
But, I am trying to move on. We are finalizing the headstone now, and we got her flowers for the gravesite: they are pink, her favorite color. Other people, in fact, left her flowers at her grave. That was very nice, and I thank those people so very much.
I also am really wanting to go out and play some golf. It is very therapeutic for me (as is writing). Despite my horrific play, being out on a course among God’s creation is very soothing. And due to said horrific play, I am among His trees, bushes, and shrubs quite often.
Also, the paperwork for the Bayan H. Hassaballa Charitable Foundation is being made up. Soon, it will be up and running, God willing. That will be a lasting legacy for good, I hope and pray.
Now, and for the next year until the first anniversary of her passing, we will be going through a series of “firsts.” I have already had my first “first”: the first Father’s Day without Bayan. It wasn’t bad, because I had the rest of my family with me. But, soon there will be the first Ramadan without her, then the first Eid, then her birthday, and so on. Each “first” will be hard, but we will make it, God willing.
Already, it is hard to see our new photos without her. But, I know that she would not want us to stop living. I know she is happy now, and she would want us to be happy, too.
So, we are trying.