Dearest Bayan…

In the Name of God, the Subtle, the Loving

I know that I have bombarded you with multiple posts about the passing of our daughter, Bayan. I truly appreciate your indulgence, your comfort, your condolences, your words of support, and – most importantly – your prayers for me and my family. We could not be more grateful.

As a “final” post in this series, I am posting poems my wife and I wrote to Bayan, to help us deal with the pain of losing her. We will never fully recover…no parent who loses a child ever does. From time to time, we get twinges of pain, and the sorrow overcomes us when we think of her.

Whatever pain I feel pales in comparison to that of my wife. I will never know the true depth of her pain, and I pray the Lord comfort her always. And you can see this come through in her beautiful and very moving poem. Mine follows.

Poem from Mom

Absolutely shocked, devastated, and horrified was I
The day I knew I would have to say good bye
For I was given an angel with a beautiful smile
And the most glamorous pink sparkle in her eye

Dearest Bayan, Your eyes melted my heart each day
“God has truly given me a rare treasure,” I would say
Every time you said, “I love you,” I would silently cry
Because one day I knew I would have to say good bye

With your soft angelic voice you would sigh, “Mama, please don’t cry.”
I would hold your hand close to my heart and always touch
Because I knew you had suffered so much
And I knew that one day I would have to say good bye

I knew that one day I would not be able to kiss you
And have the honor of saying, “I love you”
Yet, I always had hope despite the chemo
But deep down, something told me that I would have to let go
Growing inside me was a pain so deep, only a mother may know

In agonizing pain and fury, I held you in my arms as you took your last breath
But, I know you are running and jumping like you couldn’t on earth
Despite that heart wrenching day, when I was in sorrow and despair
I know you are doing cartwheels with beautiful long hair

So, when God called you back to His garden to play
I had to let go, yet dearly I wanted you to stay
I just wanted to let you know, it is so hard to move on
The most beautiful 12 years of my life are gone
I have no choice, I know we must part

So, my beautiful angel, although life with you was most precious
With God’s permission I will meet you in heaven, and that will be true bliss.

Poem From Dad

You made it through each round with poise and grace
I thought the cancer would go to a far away place
“Maintenance is a snap,” I would repeatedly say
Yet nothing prepared me for that horrific day

Everything went wrong on this final round
Your passing brought me to my knees on the ground
The pain I felt as you slowly melted away
Will always be with me each and every day

Every now and then, I see something to remind
A picture, a store, and it sends me into “rewind”
And suddenly, I get a twinge of terrible pain
A war wound from a heart that’s been cleft in twain

I miss you so much, my beloved daughter
The light of my life, the best gift for a father
You made every day in my life so special
And watching you die was a living hell

I am trying to move on, one day at a time
And I know that you are in a place blessed and sublime
It is that thought that keeps me moving along
And beneath the pain, causes my heart to sing a happy song

You made it through each round with poise and grace
I had hoped the cancer would go to a far away place
But the Precious Lord wanted you back for His Garden
And so I say to you, my love, “Until we meet again.”


4 thoughts on “Dearest Bayan…

  1. My prayers are with your family. Little Bayan will always be a flame in your hearts and the one to greet you when the time comes on this road we've all embarked on. I lost a child many years and like most people, I would cry out, "Now that you've brought her, let her live…Dear God, why me! I never hurt a fly!" But only through strong faith and loved ones we survive what no parent should have to experience; and yes, the scar remains forever. May God keep your family, now in particular during this crushing pain, close to his heart.Barbara

  2. This is beautiful. I read your blog every so often and every single one of your posts about your beautiful daughter have brought tears to my eyes. I just read in a book the other day that "there is a word for a 'widow' and a word for an 'orphan' but no word for a parent who has lost a child." Perhaps because it is something than cannot be summed into one word. I admire you and your wife for your strength, patience, and your ability to face this challenge. Being a mother of two girls myself, I cannot even imagine what it must be like. I pray that God continues to give you and your family the strength to go on, and to have faith that one day, you all will indeed be reunited in His Blessed Gardens. Ameen.

  3. Dear Dr. Hesham Hassablla,I was deeply shcoked to read about the untimelya nd sad demis eof your ebloved daughter Sweet Bayan. We are helpless at the will of God,be sure your heart part) Bayan has scarified for Mom and Papa by leaving this world at this ear age to make palce for aprents in Heaven.I know you would have received numerous condolences, the real consolation is from Allah SWT who gave you both patience. I too extend you my deepest condolences and pray May God give you aptience and bless you with multifurous mercies. May God keep everyone away from His tests specially test of our Roses (childern). The more I move pen i'wll be emotional so let me stop here.Inshahallah Allah will award you another angle same as Bayan, but spiritually she will be with you getting pleased to to see her brother or sister.Darvesh Qadri Darien, IL

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