I Have Tried My Hardest, O Lord

In the Name of God, the Kind, the Beautiful

John Mayer – who, by the way, has a number of great songs – apparently had some trouble with a girlfriend of his:

I know a girl
She puts the color inside of my world
But she’s just like a maze
Where all of the walls all continually change
And I’ve done all I can
To stand on her steps with my heart in my hands
Now I’m starting to see
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with me

He thought it was something that he did himself, that it was a problem he had. But, then he realized that, perhaps, it was because his girlfriend has lingering “daddy issues.” So, he gives this piece of advice:

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

He gives us another example:

Oh, you see that skin?
It’s the same she’s been standing in
Since the day she saw him walking away
Now she’s left
Cleaning up the mess he made

Again, this woman is having difficulty because she is “left/Cleaning up the mess he made.” Thus, he repeats:

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

Now, he makes a comment about how boys are different, that boys can get mistreated by their fathers (presumably) and can still survive:

Boys, you can break
You’ll find out how much they can take
Boys will be strong
And boys soldier on

But, he makes an extremely good point:

But boys would be gone without the warmth from
A womans good, good heart

And I think that woman is his mother. Without his mother, a boy/man would be gone. I know that I would be lost if I did not have both of my mothers in my life: my own mother and the beautiful mother of my children. I thank the Precious Beloved for these two women and their “good, good heart.”

Then, he gives men even more sage advice:

On behalf of every man
Looking out for every girl
You are the god and the weight of her world

Thus, he means, be good to them, especially your daughters.

Apart from the soothing melody and rhythm of the song, the chorus of the song really hits my heart deeply:

So fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do

It really means a lot to me, a father of four daughters, one of whom passed away last year. Lord knows that I have tried so hard to be good to my daughters. I have tried, O Lord, to work as hard as I can as a doctor to provide, with Your blessing, a good life for my family. I have tried, O Lord, as hard as I can to be there for my girls. I have tried, O Lord, to be at every softball game, every chorus recital, every awards assembly, every “Father-Daughter” event, every spelling bee. I have been successful at times, and other times, I have not been able to be there. It is never intentional.

O Lord, I especially tried to be there for my late daughter. From the moment she was diagnosed with Ataxia-Telangeictasia – which, I read, decreases the life expectancy of those children afflicted – I decided not to dwell on the fact that my daughter would one day die. I decided, along with my wife, to take it day by day and live each day to the fullest. And we did.

We had so much fun together, despite her disability. Once, my daughter asked me, “Baba, do you still love me even though I can’t walk?” My heart tightened with pain, but I told her: “Habeebee (my love), I love you because you can’t walk.” My wife and I had to help her physically more and more as she got older and her disability became more severe. But, we never, ever minded it. In fact, we loved every moment.

I loved every time I had to carry her into someone’s house, or carry her up the stairs, or – along with my wife – take her to the doctor’s office, or – along with my wife – stay with her in the hospital as she battled cancer. I could tell that people – when seeing us with her – would feel sorry for my wife and I. But, little did they know that I was in heaven: I loved every moment of every day with her. I miss, O Lord, carrying her up the stairs, or pushing her wheelchair, or even staying with her in the hospital. I miss it, O my Precious Lord, so very much.

As Father’s Day approaches, I cannot help but be thankful to the Beautiful Lord for His blessing me with my wife and four beautiful daughters. But, at the same time, my heart will always be incomplete, and the pain will never go completely away. I ask for Your help to ease the pain.

And my Lord, I have tried my hardest to follow John Mayer’s advice and “be good to [my] daughters.” I have really tried my hardest.


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